I can't worry about it, because I'm actually doing it.
Worry : the risk analysis we undertake in our minds about potential threats.
By definition, we only worry about things in the future. The stress comes from the fact that we’re not able to deal with a future situation, because well, it’s in the future. We can think about dealing with it, but we can’t actually do anything about it until that future situation becomes the present.
Being worried on a Sunday night, because you have a big presentation on Monday is understandable, but not particularly helpful. The fear is meant to be a signal from your brain that something significant is about to happen, to help make sure you are alert and ready for action. In this state your thoughts trigger stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, that increase heart rate and alertness, so you are pumped and ready to go! But if the event you’re being readied for is 24 hours away, it’s useless to be sweating buckets now. In fact, it’s worse than that, it’s detrimental.
One of the biggest things that helped me in moments like these, was to stop over thinking things. I realised that worrying about the future (that’s the only worry there is), is futile, and I’d remind myself that I can only deal with things when they are happening right now.
My daughter had an important speech at school recently, and I couldn’t have been more proud of her approach. When she came home she told me what happened. When the other children were doing their speeches, she had been worrying about doing hers. The great news was that in that moment she realised she didn’t need to worry about her speech, as she wasn’t doing her speech, the others were. This calmed her down immensely. Then when it was her turn to speak, she said she wasn’t worried, because she was actually in the process of doing the speech: “I couldn’t be worried about it because I was actually doing it.”
It’s virtually impossible to worry about something that’s happening right now. Try it. Can you worry about what you’re doing now? If you say yes, observe what you are actually worrying about - is it what you’re doing now, or is it more about some future moment related to what you’re doing now (Eg I’m worried about what they might say/do’)?
This can be a challenge too though. If you’re doing a presentation and your mind wanders off and starts worrying about some future moment where things go wrong, or what people may say, it’s certainly not going to help you deliver a great presentation.
Keep your attention on what’s going on right now, and you’ll find it’s almost impossible to worry. If your mind wanders off into future potential scenarios, notice those thoughts, and then come back to what you’re doing now. I don’t want to pretend this is easy, it’s not, especially if you have challenges with anxiety. But be kind to yourself, and know that there is another way.
So it’s important to realise it’s not easy, but there is a simple process that’s been proven by science, that starts by being aware of your worrisome thoughts. Once you’ve done that you can learn to detach from them, and again, it’s a simple process but not easy. There’s more information at www.presentleader.me if you’re interested.
Once you get the hang of it, you’ll worry less and really enjoy the benefits of being a present leader.
