You’re not stressed about the situation. It’s the story your mind is adding.
Here's how to tell the difference...
In many situations it feels like stress is coming from what is happening around you. The meeting, the deadline, the conversation that didn’t go the way you expected, the email that never came. It all feels very real and very justified.
The situation still matters. Some situations are genuinely difficult. But alongside that, something else is happening.
There is what actually happened, and then there is everything your mind adds on top of it.
Most of the stress sits in that second layer.
Someone didn’t call you. That’s the situation.
Then the thoughts start. “Why didn’t they call me?” “They should have called.” “They don’t respect me!” “This always happens.” Before long you are no longer with the simple fact they didn’t call. You’re in a whole world your mind has created around it.
That is where the Interference Window comes in.
It is a way of seeing the gap between reality and everything that gets layered on top of it. The thoughts, the emotions, the assumptions, the judgement. That layer is what drives a lot of the stress we experience day to day.
It’s like a layer running alongside reality. The situation happens, and at the same time your mind is interpreting it, adding meaning, predicting what comes next.
Most people spend a lot of time in that space without realising it.
Thoughts appear all the time, which is what your brain is designed to do. It’s wired to look for danger signals, scanning for risk, trying to protect you, predicting what might happen next. It goes back to our primal origins, and can be helpful in certain situations, but it can also create a lot of unnecessary noise when it’s not needed.
That noise is interference. Not because something is wrong, but because the mind is doing what it’s designed to do.
It pulls attention away from what is actually happening and into a version of events that may or may not be accurate. It can create tension in the body, emotion in the system, and a sense of urgency. From there, your reactions tend to follow and things can soon get out of control.
A useful way to step away from this interference is simply to start noticing what’s happening in your mind.
Notice you are having thoughts, and the story that is forming in your mind. A simple technique used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is to name the thoughts or feeling your experiencing by saying to yourself: “I’m having the thought that they don’t respect me.” “I’m noticing frustration” or “I’m feeling anxious.”
That small shift creates a bit of space between you and your thoughts.
The situation still exists, and there are still thoughts and emotions. But now there is also an awareness of them, and more room to choose how to respond.
The meeting is still happening. The deadline is still there. The person still said what they said. Now though, when you have noticed the thought, the added layer of commentary in the mind can begin to soften. It doesn’t have the same control over you, or give you the unhelpful sense of urgency that you need to do something with the thought as if it’s the most important thing in the world. It’s not.
With practice, this becomes easier to recognise. Thoughts still come and go, and they tend to have less pull. Attention can return more easily to what is happening around you. Conversations with people feel clearer, and decisions can feel more grounded. There is more capacity to stay with the situation in front of you, rather than being carried away by what the mind is doing with it.
Over time it becomes less about trying to change or control thoughts, and more about seeing them as part of the experience rather than the whole experience, which opens up a different way of moving through situations, especially the ones that would normally create stress.
Just a thought: Today, pick one small moment and notice the story your mind is creating.
What are the actual facts here?
What is my mind adding on top?
You don’t need to change anything. Just notice it.
That awareness alone can begin to loosen the grip of the story.
It’s a great muscle to build so that when you are really struggling, overwhelmed or stuck, you are able to step back and notice the thoughts your mind is creating. That awareness can be all you need to relieve your self from the stress of the situation (which is often the story, not the situation itself).
More at The Interference Window